Honestly, even as a college graduate I don't know what I want to "be when I grow up" and I definitely don't have my shit together. And honestly, that might just be the best thing in the world right now for a girl like me- a Type A, control freak, obsessive planner- because my guess... we become who we are supposed to be when we step out of our comfort zone, face what we're afraid of, and let go of every bit of anxiety and compulsion to micromanage our lives and just LIVE IT. When I quit my first job after college back in December- the world once again became my oyster. In that moment I felt like I could be anything, do anything and go anywhere to find myself and what I truly wanted out of my career. I was scared though. With my wedding less than a year away and therefore, an impending move out of my parents home, I needed to save my money like crazy, and at that point, I was not making anything close to what I needed to make. But I was HAPPY! I worked on freelance writing projects, continued to work part time for Sweet Dreamzzz, FINALLY founded the site you're reading right now, and began to dream about a kick ass career again. Despite the fact that the fear of uncertain income and instability constantly played in the back of my mind, I actually loved how I felt. It was like an adrenaline rush not knowing what would be next or where money would come from. I loved feeling free to mold my own life. But unfortunately, fear won out, not my faith in my dreams. Instead of believing I could land the writing or PR job I so desperately craved, I rushed into another events position, leaving me with no time to write and in my mind, setting me back to exactly where I was one year before. The walls weren't the same, but the atmosphere, the weekends, and the chair covers were. Honestly, I feel disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I couldn't find it in my heart to believe enough in the dreams I have for myself to make them happen and that I settled into something else so fast because I was SCARED of where I would find $20. Is a paycheck worth sacrificing what you love? Isn't there some romance, some wonder in letting go of fear and risking everything to get your break? Isn't there something to be said, a beautiful story to be told in allowing yourself to have nothing to get your everything... I think so. I now realize that I'd scrape money together every day if it meant that one day I'd be writing for The Huffington Post, Vogue, ELLE or The New York Times. I'd take that over my paycheck any day. So honestly, maybe I should? They say talk is cheap and it is. I can sit here and bitch about what I want, but none of that matters until I make myself do something about it. Maybe we should all just live our lives, stop worrying so much about the "smart" choice and make the "dumb" choices like taking a pay cut to work toward our dreams. If we let go of the reins for 5 minutes and just see what life has to offer, if we put in time each day to work towards what we really want instead of settling, maybe we can all get there. And just think of how happy we'd be if we weren't too scared to do it! With that being said, it pushes my comfort zone. I was that girl in college who completely had her shit together. A solid 3.91 student, collegiate softball player, President of Madonna's Red Cross Club, and a resume full of impressive internships and awards... but 12 minutes after college spat me out into the real world, my perfectly put together life (or so said my resume) got lost and now, I'm guessing "Karleigh Creighton" doesn't have the same meaning on paper as it did back then. But honestly, I DON'T CARE! Here I am, in the LIONS den every. single. day. and presently, I am NOT living the dream. But I think I'll start now... so I'm, making the claim, that today is the day I get back on track to pursuing my dreams and doing what I love. If you're where you want to be right now, I salute you and I am proud of you. I do not envy you. Our journeys are each our own and my convoluted, seemingly directionless, pain in the ass start to my working life is mine and I'm happy to claim it. If you're like me- struggling to find yourself, embrace your passion, and do what makes you happy, I challenge you like I challenge myself to take a leap of faith today and start on the path to your dream. Do one thing each day that scares you and honestly, I bet that one thing could unlock everything you've been searching for. This blog is mine. Thanks for reading! -Karleigh Michele
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Karleigh MicheleIt's me... Authentic, Real, and Honest. Because I believe that's the only way to write it. Archives
November 2018
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